Monday, January 9, 2012
Good morning, moms. I want to pose a question to all of you this morning...is it just me or do you see yourself getting angry more than you ever have with your own kids? I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but at the same time, I'm thinking that surely someone else experiences this?
Let me back up and say...80 percent of my day with my precious littles ones is rich, fulfilling and fun. Sometimes mundane, but mostly enjoyable. But there is that other 20 percent when I want to rip out my hair, throw something, or cuss because both kids are whining, fussing, throwing tantrums (my 2 year old, mostly) and I finally snap. I usually try to reign it in and cuss in the other room, but I'm sure Marshall senses my frustration. It's not my most attractive quality, I'll admit.
It's making me turn to the Lord more and ask for help. But even that, especially in the moment, is difficult. I've tried to meditate on Scripture such as "lead me to the rock that is higher than I" and "no temptation has seized you except what is common to man" and "anger does not produce the righteousness of God" so that I can quote that in the moment...but it doesn't always help. I even tried to get up earlier yesterday morning - 5:30 am - to be able to have some time in prayer and Scripture before the kids woke up (which is usually 6am!). But they were up by 5:40. Ugh.
Basically, I am seeing my sin and the feeling the weight of parenting right now. I still love it. I still know it's what I'm meant to do. But it is hard not to get frustrated and angry in the moment.
I had a fun girls' brunch this weekend (dad watched both kiddoes!) and I even asked them - is this normal? Are my expectations too high? Should i just be okay with the tantrums and messy house and whining and not let it get to me? Some of them said yes, some suggested getting more down time, and some encouraged dad to take on more responsibility. But ultimately, whatever the answer is, I know that this phase, as hard as it is and as angry as I can get, is making me turn to the Lord and seek His help. Oh goodness!!! If any of you can relate...I'd love to hear comments!!!
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Well, I'll be your first to comment!!!! I actually read this when you posted it on Monday and wheh! The week went by fast! 5 days later and I'm still thinking on what you wrote. I'm thinking: YES! I totally agree. I'm not sure most will talk about it outloud, but I agree. Most of the time is wonderful precious moments with crazy, insane moments and normal, mundane moments thrown in there too! BUT the majority of my time isn't spent angry or frustrated, yet that section of time exists as well.
ReplyDeleteParenting is SO hard. I think what makes it so hard is that there is SO much emotion involved. I ask myself those questions over and over and I think the practical answer is all those things ... but I think the heart answer is what you said: totally relying on the Lord to do everything in and thru us because we are spent. wasted. washed out. burned out. tired. dirty. crazy. Which, for me, means a constant dying to myself, denying MY desires, MY wants, MY expectations, MY standards of whats right/normal/or suppose to happen. ugh. It's hard. It's gut-wrenching, but I think it's where I'd prefer to be, because the reverse of that (my ginormous frustration with everything, me trying to live up to others standards, me trying to control it all) is even MORE tiring, un-fulfilling and frustrating.
All that to say ... I'm with ya girl.