Spring Break is no longer a Break!

For the past 5 years, I've been able to enjoy the rest that comes with a week of Spring Break. Because I've either been teaching, in school or in ministry, my calendar has always included a Spring Break. But suddenly, now that I'm a stay at home mom, I am facing a different kind of Spring Break and I'll admit...I don't really like it!

First, the regular activities I look forward to during the week are all cancelled. This includes Mother's Day Out (oh, how I love those few precious hours to run errands by myself!) and women's Bible study. But I even prepared in advance. I thought, I'll just plan some fun outings on the days that I normally have scheduled activities. Problem: every other mom is doing the same thing! The parks, shopping malls, libraries and zoos are PACKED with families and their kids. It was utter chaos everywhere I went. And I was constantly worried that Marshall was going to get clobbered by the bigger kids. Not fun.

Let's just say that by the end of the week, I was fried. I was craving alone time, time away from my precious toddler, to just be quiet and do something fun for myself. My sweet hubby encouraged me to go to a coffee shop or get a massage or just go shopping. But by the time we'd put Marshall to bed in the evenings, I was ready to hit the hay myself.

I ended this week feeling tired, stressed and resentful for having had little alone time. And in those moments, my sin becomes so much more evident. It was yucky. I was a brat. I said some things I wished I hadn't. I reacted in ways I wished I hadn't. What I realized, more than ever, during this Lenten season...is how much I need Jesus, how much I need the gospel, how much I need the good news of the cross. That because of my sin and my yuck, Jesus paid the price. I realize how far short I fall from the mark of perfection that God requires of us in order to be in His holy and awesome presence. Yet because of Jesus, because of His death on our behalf, we have been made righteous. We have been cleansed. We have been forgiven. We have been redeemed. What gloriously good news! We don't have to wallow in our sin and our shame. Must we repent of our sin? Of course! But once we have, we can know that we are restored to our loving Savior.

As I start a new week, still a little raggard and weary from the last one, I want to cling to the cross and REJOICE in what Jesus has done for me.

The Same God Yesterday, Today and Forever

I just wanted to share a quick word of encouragement for today.

So often when I start to pray, I have a long list of things that seem too big for God, too unlikely to answer, too unattainable.

But this morning, as I felt that overwhelming sense of doubt, the Lord brought Hebrews 13:8 to mind: "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever."

Then I remembered who I am praying to. I am praying to the same God who shut the mouths of lions when Daniel was thrown into their den. I am praying to the same God who walked across water. I am praying to the same God who raised Lazarus from the dead. I am praying to the same God who Himself, rose from the grave. I am praying to the same God before whom we will all one day bow before in utter worship and awe as the angelic beings around Him sing, "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty. You are worthy to receive glory, honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”

This is the God I worship. This is the God I pray to. And when my little prayers seem impossible for God, I cling to this truth.

Lord Jesus, thank You that You are the same yesterday, today and forever. So often I forget to remember who You really are. Help me cling to Your Word, which reminds me of Your power, Your sovereignty, Your justice and Your mercy. Thank you that I can fully trust You, knowing You are ultimately in control of all things and that You are good.

Trusting in God's Sovereignty

This weekend I had what I would call a mild anxiety attack. It was over nothing major. But there were several difficult conversations that I needed to have, but really didn't want to. I was in an awkward place, feeling called to speak the truth in love, but knowing it could be received poorly. Ugh. I hate conflict. I hate tension. But God keeps sending it my way.

At the time of my "panic attack" if that's even what it was (who knows, maybe it was just pregnancy hormones!), despite the fact that I was in my green and white polka dotted pajamas and it was almost midnight, I decided go for a walk. I'm sure that was quite a sight, being 5 months pregnant. My poor neighbors!

As I stormed around the block, I vented to God, angrily pouring out my stress and frustration. Why are you letting these things happen, God? Why do I have to deal with all of this right now? I feel overwhelemed! I can't handle all of this!

After a few minutes of venting this way and a few more loops around the block, I heard Him whisper ever so quietly to my heart: "YOU aren't supposed to handle this. I am." Then the well-known Proverb came to mind: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

I stopped. I knew what was wrong. I was leaning on my own understanding and not acknowleding Him. I wasn't trusting Him at all.

As often as we say "I just need to trust God more"...do we really understand how to do it? Do we recognize why we aren't? If we are honest with ourselves, we will admit that we are really saying that WE know better. WE are really in control. WE are going to handle this issue and take it upon ourselves to fix. WE don't believe God can do it. WE don't believe God is sovereign or good or has a plan for our lives.

And do we really call our anxiety, stress and frustration what it is: SIN.

I don't say that to make us beat ourselves up. But we've got to repent and turn from wrong behavior before we can keep going forward. Ultimately, it's PRIDE. We believe we know best, not God.

So what I realized that night was, instead of holding onto this anxiety and pressure and worry of the outcome, I needed to repent of my pride in trying to control the outcome, then lay it down at the foot of the cross. He knew my fears and concerns. I had already told him all of the details. He knew my heart. Now it was up to me. Was I going to hold on to it, cling to it, and keep trying to control it? Or would I give it to Him?

Everyday we make a choice. When we start to feel that worry, anger, frustration or stress welling up in us, we make a choice. Will we hold on to it? Or will we talk to God about it, then lay it down and fully trust Him with the outcome?

As hard as it is to lay it down...Jesus promises that when we come to Him, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I'm far from getting there completely, but that night, I believe God showed me how to recognize this pattern in my life and deal with it when it comes up again. I want to call sin what it is, give it to God and move on.

Bragging on God instead of Self

This is blog post #2 for this week. That's a bit more frequent for me, but hey, when God speaks to my heart, I can't help but share what I'm learning. So here goes.

I was in a bit of a fussy mood after my women's Bible study this morning and I couldn't figure out why. It was a great lesson (we're studying the book of Daniel and learning wonderful truths about God's sovereignty!) and there was nothing about the morning that should have frustrated me. But I gradually was able to pinpoint the issue. I realized that I have this weird need during our small group time to try and impress the other ladies with my thoughts. I want them to think I'm wise, I'm spiritual, I know a lot about God's Word, etc., etc., etc. And that day, everything I said just flopped. I stumbled over my words, nothing came out right, and all I got was a bunch of blank stares. Basically, I didn't look as good as I wanted to in front of them.

That example is silly, I know. But it's just one of the many ways I try to impress others...and it's pervasive in my life. If I'm really honest with myself, I will call it what it is: PRIDE. It's a need to boast in self, to put my glory above others, even above God.

In the mommy world, the need to impress comes out in subtle ways. We may drop little comments about what our children are doing developmentally, spiritually, mentally, and socially in order to compare with other moms and kids so we can feel good about ourselves. Or maybe we go to the other extreme, playing down how much effort was put into hosting a baby shower, how little time we put into decorating our home, how much money we didn't spend on a cute new outfit. While not always the case, often times, beneath those comments, there is a deep need to impress, to look good in front of others.

So my question for today is....what if, instead of boasting in ourselves, we started boasting in God? What would that really look like?

Instead of talking about how precious our children are, let's talk about how AWESOME and CREATIVE is our God, who knit these little ones together in our wombs and who is growing them into the men and women He has designed for them to be? Instead of commiserating about the challenges of being a mom, let's talk about what God is teaching us through these tough times. Instead of pointing out a pretty sunset, why not praise God for being such a magnificent artist! Instead of complimenting someone for being a talented _____ (writer, mother, cook, you fill in the blank), why not give God the glory by saying something like: It is so fun to see how God has uniquely gifted you with X gift and used it to minister to others for His glory. Instead of complaining, gossipping, or making insignificant small talk, why not brag about one of God's many attritubutes that you especially appreciate today, like His goodness, His faithfulness, His love, His mercy?

What a neat world that would be! So my challenge to myself and each of you today is to no longer boast in ourselves, claiming our own glory, but to start boasting in God, whose magnificent characteristics are endless and who one day, we will have the privilege of kneeling before in utter worship, giving Him every single bit of glory, honor and praise!!

Meeting God in the Uncomfortable Silence

As a stay at home mom, I've had to adjust to a new pace of life. It isn't like that of a working woman, living in a constant flurry of mental activity. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty to do. Laundry, picking up toys, feeding, changing, disciplining, and interacting with little ones. But it is a different pace. There is a slowness to it, even a monotony that can easily bring frustration, boredom and loneliness.

But I am learning that God has something in this new pace of life for me. Instead of running from the uncomfortable silence that haunts me when naptimes come, I feel Him calling me to meet Him. I feel Him quietly asking me to stop running to the TV, to music, to a good book or housework during those times of stillness. Instead, I feel Him calling me to drop what I'm doing, sit down, open my Bible and my heart and meet Him.

It's so easy in our American culture and mindset to feel bad about ourselves if we are not being "productive" with our time. It's especially hard when the housework needs seem endless, to make a decision to spend that hour in prayer, talking to God, instead of doing something "productive" that I can check off my to-do list.

But I know, deep down, that spending time with God is more productive than anything else in the world. I know that by spending time with my Heavenly Father, who knows my every need, hurt and desire, that I will change from the inside out. I know that my thoughts, my attitude, and my actions will begin to line up with His.

But it isn't even for that reason that I spend time with Him. I don't spend time with Him just so I can be a better person (even though I do truly desire to become more like Jesus everyday of my life!). I spend time with Him because deep down, I truly believe that we have been created to be satisfied in nothing else. No person, no TV show, no book, no activity, NOTHING, is as satisfying as spending time with the One who created us.

As John Piper puts it, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

My challenge today for myself and all my readers is to be willing to meet God in the uncomfortable silences of life. Maybe you're not a stay at home mom. But we all have those times of silence - those times when it's tempting to find a mind-numbing activity to block out the loneliness, the stillness, and the boredom we feel. But I challenge you during those times, that instead of running to that mind-numbing activity, whatever it may be, that you would run to the Lord and meet Him, that you would open your Bible, open your heart and talk to Him, and be still long enough to listen, to hear Him speak to You...because there is nothing more satisfying than Him.