Sitting at the Head of the Table

I was reading from Luke 14 today about the story of the dinner guests at the banquet. The room was bustling with people and lots of tables. As it came time to eat, everyone took a seat, all knowing which table was reserved for the guests of honor (like at a wedding, where the family and wedding party sit, usually with a good view of the festivities). This one guest assumed he was a guest of honor and grabbed a seat at the head table. To his surprise, the host of the party came up and asked him to move tables because someone else at the party was supposed to sit there, someone more "honorable" than him. Talk about a humiliating walk of shame to the "low" table in front of all the other guests! The moral of the story was...never assume you are the guest of honor at a party. Pick a humble seat and let the host of the party make that call, elevating you to the guest of honor table, rather than humiliating yourself in front of everyone else, arrogantly assuming you are a "guest of honor." For some reason, that story spoke to me in a new way today. As a mom and a Christian, there are many circles I walk in where I can easily feel like I should be included at the guest of honor table. In Christian circles, especially, it's easy to start thinking, well, I'm involved in x number of Bible studies, I am mentoring x number of women, I host x number of outreach events...I am obviously a "super Christian." What I love about Jesus and the entire story of the Bible is that it is totally flipped upside down. The way of the cross is a humiliating one. It looks weak. Jesus, the Son of God, was mocked, flogged, slandered, beaten, tortured, laughed at, spit upon and cursed. THE SON OF GOD. Why? For US. He took a humble seat at the table, going to the cross, refusing to send down fire and brimstone upon all of mankind (which he totally could have done and have every right to do!) and DYING for us. So that WE could be elevated to the position of guest of honor. He took the HUMBLE seat, so we could take the position of honor. When in fact, He completley deserved to walk right up and sit at the guest of honor table. But He didn't. Because He knew this was the only way we could truly sit at the guest of honor table. He had to humble himself...to death on a cross. Thank you, Jesus, as I am reminded of my arrogance and my demands and my rights and my expectations...you remind me, through the cross, how you set all of that aside. You - in perfect form - demanded nothing and gave everything. For US. Thank you.

Am I Praying to Engineer Outcomes?

My hubby constantly challenges me when I have conflict with someone in my life by asking "are you trying to engineer an outcome in this situation or are you loving them where they are?" Yikes. It's hard when you see someone in your life that you think is making a poor choice for themselves (or others) to not want to tell them what they should be doing to "fix" the problem. I am convicted that I do the same in my prayer life. How often do I go to God with a list of things that I want Him to change, both in myself and in others, and give Him the ANSWER. I tell Him what He needs to do. How funny is that, when you really think about it? He is GOD, for crying out loud. I think He knows what we need better than anyone because He created us...hellooo! But that doesn't necessarily mean that I can't ask God for things to change in people's lives, especially when there is sin and hurt and grief and destruction that is evident. But what I am being challenged by lately is that I have to pray for these people and these hurtful, destructive issues to change in their lives with OPEN HANDS, with an ATTITUDE OF SURRENDER. As Easter approaches, I am reminded of Jesus' words in the Garden of Gethsemene, before he headed to the cross. "Father, please take this cup from me...yet not my will, but Your will be done." That is a model way to pray for me. I can ask God: please Lord, change this person's heart...or please Lord, rescue this person from despair or lies or greed or addiction...but simultaneously praying: yet Lord, you know best. Your timing is best. Your knowledge of this situation is best. You know what this person needs better than anyone else. Not my will, but Your will be done. In doing that, I am surrendering my desires. I'm surrending my DEMAND for someone to change. I surrendering my EXPECTATIONS for what should happen in the situation, for what God should do, for how He should fix it. In that, I am releasing that person and situation to the Lord. And there is such PEACE in that! Because I am no longer holding onto and chomping on it and stressing about it and getting frustrated thinking about. Because I have RELEASED it to the Lord. I have humbly submitted myself to His reign, His sovereignty, His control over life. It's funny how...even in prayer, God is showing me that I don't trust Him. That I still think I am in control. So I will continue to reflect on my Savior...who turned His head toward the cross and in agony, knowing what lay ahead for Him, prayed, "Not my will, but Your will be done."

When in Love

I'm currently reading a challenging book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It challenges American Christians of being "lukewarm" in their faith, being "cultural" Christians who are unwilling to surrender everything (money, time, goals, work, social circles, expectations, children, etc.) to the will of the Lord. It calls for us to be more than Sunday morning Christians, but to live out the gospel of faith, love and truth 24/7 and be willing to give all of our resources to building the Kingdom of God. It's been a convicting read and good for my soul. One chapter, titled, "Being in Love" has especially challenged me. Chan makes the point that when we're in love, we enjoy just BEING with that person. It doesn't matter what we're doing, where we are or what we want to "get out" of our time together..because we just enjoy knowing that person better and spending time with them. That challenged me on two fronts. I asked myself, "Do I do that with my husband? Do I do that with God?" My husband and I had a nice little get-away this weekend without kids. We went to San Antonio to just have some sweet, quality time together. It was lovely. But I nearly turned one part of the trip into an unncessary fight. We decided to walk to dinner, instead of drive, knowing it would be a long walk (20 minutes or so), but in no rush and wanting to spend time together. My expectation going into the walk was that we would be following the Riverwalk, so it would be beautifully soothing and romantic. His expectation was that we would go the most efficient and quickest way possible, which meant cutting through an industrial section of town that involved passing by buildings covered in graffiti, bars on the windows and high fences with razor-sharp wire. I found myself growing annoyed and critical at his decision and the unromantic atmosphere. But the Lord brought to mind Chan's chapter on what it means to be in love. I thought, here we are, on this get-away weekend together, with no real agenda except to enjoy one another and spend quality time together. Sooo...it doesn't matter WHERE we are or WHAT we're doing. This is the man I love more than anyone on earth and I want to enjoy just BEING with him. So I was able to laugh off the walk and enjoy time with him. (Side note: we did, however, take the scenic route on the Riverwalk on the way back!) The same challenge goes for my relationship with the Lord. How often do I go to God with demands. Prayer requests, issues I'm having with my children, my family, my own sinful tendencies. But how rarely do I just enjoy spending time with Him? Reading His word with the purpose of KNOWING Him better, ENJOYING Him, PRAISING Him for the beautiful, majestic God He is. Even in my quiet times, I often have an agenda, combining Bible study prep, mentoring prep, prayer list additions, etc. I have been challenged, especially during this Easter Lenten season, to just go to Him because I love Him, because I enjoy spending time with Him, because He is majestic and lovely and just and holy and righteous and perfect and He deserves all my praise.